He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
