I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
