Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
