I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
