I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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