sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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