Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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