He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
