i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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