and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
