I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
