The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
