so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
