Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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