Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
