i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
