Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
