Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
