take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
