Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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