you guys were way drunker than both of me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
