like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
