imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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