it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
