Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
