I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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