listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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