i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
