i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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