Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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