i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
