I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize