I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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