I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
