allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
