An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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