I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
