this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
