You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
