you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
