Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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