Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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