I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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