I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
