Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
