Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
