Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
