Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
