I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
