I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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