you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
