i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
