What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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